Thursday, 19 May 2011


Yesterday I went to the hospital. On the way there on the train, a woman sat in front of me (A REAL LIFE ONE!) and I couldn't help but notice how incredibly cute she was. I had had about 1 hour's sleep so I was allowed to do whatever I wanted which included noticing young cute Ladies. She had radioactive glowing eyes and looked like this:
Needless to say during my Central line ride to Bank I ended up falling madly in love with this Lady. I noticed she had extremely small feet. Sometimes some giant person would stand in-between us and I am sure she was as sad as me to be separated like that. Sadly, our relationship was short and sweet and I had to leave her forever once I got to Bank. 

Anyway at the hospital they took all of my blood. I was there for a good 6 hours before they released me into the wild again, slightly more deranged and floppy than when I went in, but I had to go back to be prodded a bit more later so I decided to go and see a free art exhibition called 'Dirt'. It was all about dirt, surprisingly. In my opinion I had to read too many things on the walls and I was too hungry for such things so about half way through I stopped reading them and started eating the exhibits in my mind, even though sometimes this included 300 year old milky white runny poo and really concentrated old pee pee. And giant slabs made out of excrement. They didn't smell though. Despite this, I think I did a pretty good job of being an 'interested art admirer'. 
Yes that is a batman shirt. Anyway the three things I enjoyed most about this exhibition were, to begin with, this broom in the corner. Obviously at first I was angry at the thought that someone would just leave a broom at an art exhibition I mean, how, how rude. But actually it was part of the exhibition. It had paint splatters and things on it, but when I read the plaque it said it had precious stones all over it. There was tape on the floor, with it's magical powers of 'DO NOT CROSS ME OR I WILL END YOU' stopping me from getting a closer look but I realised that the paint splatters were actually pearls and there were sparkly things in the bristles and stuff. This amused me greatly and made me exquisitely happy. The second thing was a series of photographs of some old pervert who enjoyed making this old maid dress up in different costumes including a slave, a posh dress and then as a maid cleaning her OWN floors. The sick, twisted pervert. And yes they were having it off with each other but that's a secret.

The most striking thing I saw was this:
The drawing was just a little... Hilarious... It's just the expressions reminded me of adverts for beauty products or weight loss contraptions...

I already knew but learnt again in great detail that London used to be a giant shithole, literally, whereas now it's only metaphorically a giant shithole. There were also exhibits of how Nazi Germany's obsession with racial purity also made them wash themselves a lot more, and I saw a real life copy of that book I've seen a bunch of times in history books about Nazi propaganda, "The Poisonous Mushroom" 

I think they got it all wrong, because that mushroom is ginger - I think that's probably the whole problem here. 
Let me clear a few things up here: I am a Jew (ish) and watch this AND I've been to Poland so SCREW YOU. 

So basically the world used to be stupid, but I always think people will look back in the future and think we were equally stupid. Also when people take lots of blood from you, unicorns visit you to see if you're ok. 

The moral of this story is: Sometimes in the past people were stupid, and sometimes people are still stupid.